Who, Me? Yep. You.

It's so easy to be affected by what's going on around you. It's really easy to be affected by those whom you've chosen to take your ques from. And it's super easy to fall into negative thought patterns affected by both of these and neither of them actually...care. 

Sucks, huh?

Well... get ready to take full responsibility for what is going on in your life.  

Get ready to be the most powerful person in your life.

It all started a week ago Monday. I emailed my three ladies I needed references from. Of course C answers back:

"[is this the] career that is 'exceedingly, abundantly above all you could think or ask', is NOT at the mercy of any capricious or uncertain external power, but according to the power that works within? So, since your future is entirely within your own control, go get your dream job Ann!"

Um, huh? 

I sat staring at my computer. Her question was looming at me. I simply hung my head in shame. No. Absolutely not. This job was absolutely not the abundantly above and beyond. In fact I haven't even given the above and beyond a second thought. Above and beyond?! I just needed a paycheck! GAH!!

This wasn't me. This isn't who I am. How could I have allowed myself to get to this place? Believing that money, a paycheck, is more important than the very depth and breath of living the life I was created for? Or that money was my ultimate goal, for that matter?

So what if I kept getting feedback "you need more time and experience"?! Then what about having the 'above and beyond while getting more time and experience job' while still pursuing the dream job?

I'd completely lost sight of my potential, my purpose, my power. 

  

How am I getting it back? OK... I won't keep you hanging. I was secretly considering leaving you wondering until tomorrow, but I'm just not that cruel :) 

Said conversation was on Monday and it took through Friday to finally wake up. I had the interview and it was everything I loath {we're not going there}. I got home that afternoon feeling complete despair. Wanting to wallow in self pity and sort of feeling comfortable there. I decided to do one of my favorite things and take a bath... I picked up my O Magazine and commenced reading my most favorite authors. 

The theme? "10 Things" to apply to every aspect of your life you can think of for the the next 10 years of your life to continue your success {or, you know, something like that}

I got out of the tub and I was completely renewed. I felt pumped up. It had reminded me that I was the only one in control of my destiny. I opened my email and C had emailed me "How was the interview?" I hadn't even emailed her because I was so disappointed. This was my response: 

"I just read all my O favorites from this month and I feel so inspired. I've got all kinds of outlandish ideas going through my mind from "interviewing random people in E************ about what they feel their overall life's emotional temperature is and submitting an article to our local newspaper to advertise myself as a therapist" to paying for a front page spot with my picture saying "See this face? She needs a job and wants to work for you!" HA!

Either way, it's getting my emotions to shift from feeling so hopeless to laughing and not taking all this so seriously! I am going to do something different every day this week than I have been. I'm going to get myself up early, exercise, go to our local coffee shop, write, study my lessons, go to the library and read some inspiring stories of people, blog, just not pursue a job whatsoever.

You know what I thought about before I got into the tub tonight? I remember all my friends saying I'd find the man of my dreams when I wasn't looking for it. I feel the same is for a job -- If I surround myself with contentment, joy, peace and all around positivity, it HAS to come to me!!!!!!!!" 

It's the truth. I'll tell you what I've been doing, the challenges I face and how it's been working. There's so much more. I hope you'll join me.

why have I not been driven to drink?

You know how they say doctors are the worst patients? No? Well, they are. I might add add 'counselors make the worst clients'. We are educated and skilled at seeing through the surface stuff, analyzing and conceptualizing the inner stuff and spitting out fabulous, optimistic and empowering ideas.

But when it comes to doing this for ourselves? Not so much. 

October 2009. As you may or may not know, I lost my job 6 1/2 months ago. Honestly? I didn't belong there. I knew this and so on my way home that same evening {I'm not exaggerating} I said to God, "I know there's a purpose behind all this. I know there's a reason and I'm ready to learn and progress forward. I'm actually excited!"

I filled out unemployment that very evening, searched for other positions available in the area and started making calls within a few days to volunteer while I looked for work. In addition to this, my house got a very thorough Spring cleaning in the Fall, my closets were finally organized to my liking and my husband now had a full-time secretary. Life was good. I was positive. I just knew this was going to be a great journey.

Fast forward to February.

No job. No hopefuls. No license. No. One. Cared. I started getting lost in despair. My life was coming to the end as I knew it. There was simply no hope of ever being the professional counselor I'd once, long ago, dreamed of. Lessons learned? What lessons? SCREW THE LESSONS! I may have a flare for the dramatic. No? 

March. I get my license in the mail. I celebrate. My husband even gets it framed for me. I have an interview for the first time in 2 months. This seems like a dream job. Life is looking up. Enter T-boy. Hopes for the job are dashed. Emotional chaos commences. T-boy takes over my every through and emotion. T-boy leaves. Emotions continue. I have more interviews with agencies that I walked away thinking, "Was that for real? Are they pretending to run a company or am I just crazy?" What about the dream job? Not on the radar at this point as certain things just won't line up. GRR!

April. Is it still April? Oh. I thought it was May. This month is like taking forever. There are times I sit in my house for 3 days straight. I can see depression setting in. Not. Good. At. All.

C and I communicate often. She is a complete inspiration to me and we are very much on the same page when it comes to world view. Of course as my mentor, I've shared all of this with her. Every time I'd email, I'd read back over the email and be completely disgusted with my negativity, but hit send anyway. Of course her responses always line up with what I believe, but I've been a bad client. I can have a good talk and yet my walk is completely non-existent.

But I woke up and now I'm running. 

Want to know what I'm doing? How am I being empowered during such a slump? Why am I acting as if I have everything I want?

Stay tuned... I'll be back tomorrow. Promise.

the love letter

Life can be so harsh with all its societal, mental, emotional, social, familial and person demands. It can be overwhelming and exhausting. Yet, those very things can bring such joy when seen through a positive perspective. My amazing mentor and friend, C, sent me this idea as a way to lift not only my spirit, but all those who read and may choose to participate - I'm calling it "The Love Letter" - It's everything I love about life.

**************************************************

I love sharp cheeses. I love the feeling of a warm blanket on a winter's night. I love the sight of my puppy's tail wagging. I love the feel of my husband's face close to mine. I love movies that make me cry. I love summer. I love a glass of wine on my back porch after a long day. I love perspectives that are different from mine. I love hot baths. I love the feel of Autumn air. I love connecting deeply with friends. I love when life's lessons finally make sense. I love music that moves me to write. I love ice cream. I love watching our horses play in the field. I love that photography stops time. I love the wisdom of my father. I love friends who aren't afraid to speak truth to you. I love rain storms. I love vanilla pudding. I love my memories of staying at my grandma's house. I love that my grandfather found love again. I love that I see life through pictures. I love that my heritage is multifaceted. I love spending Sunday mornings watching movies in bed with my husband. I love getting lost in a magazine. I love that I'm passionate. I how time is inferior when I'm shopping. I love when the weather begs to be enjoyed. I love the sound rushing water. I love that my story isn't a fairytale. I love being home on a rainy day. I love phone calls from good friends. I love road trips while listening to books on CD. I love soy latte's from Starbucks. I love the sound of children laughing. I love diversity of opinions. I love random phone calls from my husband just to say 'hi'. I love spending the whole day in my pajamas. I love funny people. I love other people's stories. I love thinking about the future. I love feeling empowered. I love blogging. I love knowing people I've never met. I love writing stories in my mind even when I'm on the toilet. I love singing in the shower. I love looking at old pictures. I love the innocence of babies.  I love the beach. I love riding my bike. I love working in the yard with my husband. I love my dad. I love having purpose. I love Pennsylvania. I love discovering North Carolina. I love living in a small town. I love girls night out.  I love love.

What do you love?