4.26.2010

why have I not been driven to drink?


You know how they say doctors are the worst patients? No? Well, they are. I might add add 'counselors make the worst clients'. We are educated and skilled at seeing through the surface stuff, analyzing and conceptualizing the inner stuff and spitting out fabulous, optimistic and empowering ideas.

But when it comes to doing this for ourselves? Not so much. 

October 2009. As you may or may not know, I lost my job 6 1/2 months ago. Honestly? I didn't belong there. I knew this and so on my way home that same evening {I'm not exaggerating} I said to God, "I know there's a purpose behind all this. I know there's a reason and I'm ready to learn and progress forward. I'm actually excited!"

I filled out unemployment that very evening, searched for other positions available in the area and started making calls within a few days to volunteer while I looked for work. In addition to this, my house got a very thorough Spring cleaning in the Fall, my closets were finally organized to my liking and my husband now had a full-time secretary. Life was good. I was positive. I just knew this was going to be a great journey.

Fast forward to February.

No job. No hopefuls. No license. No. One. Cared. I started getting lost in despair. My life was coming to the end as I knew it. There was simply no hope of ever being the professional counselor I'd once, long ago, dreamed of. Lessons learned? What lessons? SCREW THE LESSONS! I may have a flare for the dramatic. No? 

March. I get my license in the mail. I celebrate. My husband even gets it framed for me. I have an interview for the first time in 2 months. This seems like a dream job. Life is looking up. Enter T-boy. Hopes for the job are dashed. Emotional chaos commences. T-boy takes over my every through and emotion. T-boy leaves. Emotions continue. I have more interviews with agencies that I walked away thinking, "Was that for real? Are they pretending to run a company or am I just crazy?" What about the dream job? Not on the radar at this point as certain things just won't line up. GRR!

April. Is it still April? Oh. I thought it was May. This month is like taking forever. There are times I sit in my house for 3 days straight. I can see depression setting in. Not. Good. At. All.

C and I communicate often. She is a complete inspiration to me and we are very much on the same page when it comes to world view. Of course as my mentor, I've shared all of this with her. Every time I'd email, I'd read back over the email and be completely disgusted with my negativity, but hit send anyway. Of course her responses always line up with what I believe, but I've been a bad client. I can have a good talk and yet my walk is completely non-existent.

But I woke up and now I'm running

Want to know what I'm doing? How am I being empowered during such a slump? Why am I acting as if I have everything I want?

Stay tuned... I'll be back tomorrow. Promise.

8 comments:

LucieP said...

Keep it coming sister

the current wife... said...

Lucie... have I told you how much I love you? Thanks, girl :)

lmt1073 said...

I can't wait to hear... i sure hope it's something GOOD!

Erin said...

excited for the rest....such a cliffhanger :)

Sara said...

I was laid off for 6 months last year and as scary as it was, it was the best thing that ever happened to me! Can't wait to read the rest.

Michelle said...

I quit my job last December after being unhappy for a very, very, VERY long time and it was the most wonderful feeling ever.

I can't wait to see what you're up to and I can't wait to meet you...May 21st seems to be THE DATE for the next GNO. ;)

NaNa said...

Anna: I empathize, and I know by experience. The days are full of exercizes to maintain my good attitude and hope for a job.
I know you will make it...and I am so inspired by knowing you are determined to find a way. It helps the rest who read to know what it takes to get through.

We can all take on the challenges of life...we can!! Can't wait to hear how you are doing it!!!!
DO TELL!!

Shaina said...

You go, girl! This reminds me of one of my favorite Bruce Springsteen song lyrics - "No retreat baby, no surrender."